Apologizing and extending forgiveness are extremely hard, but necessary life skills to master.
For some, apologizing is easy, and they are quick to own their mistakes and learn from them. For others, it can be challenging. As a recovering perfectionist, people pleaser, and rule follower, it’s hard for me to dismiss that I’m not always a Saint (although we play for the SAINTS).
I’m learning to apologize, even when I’m convinced it’s not my fault and forgive, even the ones I feel like don’t deserve it. This doesn’t alter boundaries I’ve established but reminds me that Christian people aren’t perfect people. Who am I to judge as God forgives me endlessly when I am undeserving? Recently, I stumbled across a post from Lysa Terkeurst that says, “Part of what makes forgiveness seem unfair is that I’m utterly convinced I’m the Saint and they are the sinner. When in reality Jesus is asking me simply to be the servant.” Ouch, this was convicting. Over the years I’ve gained the maturity and wisdom to understand that apologizing and extending forgiveness is freeing.
This freedom has translated into the way I parent. I teach my children to respect authority, individuals’ boundaries, and people in general. I also remind them that they too are due respect, despite their age. They are little humans, not doormats or robots. I work to respect my kids as full humans by stewarding and teaching them God’s truths. I strongly believe you have to display respect to receive it; respect is not based on age. I talk with my little people, apologizing and requesting forgiveness when I’m not patient, raise my voice too often, or choose discipline actions out of pure frustration, instead of clearly thinking out the punishment.
A distracted parent is a frustrated parent– and often when I’m distracted (by chores, my phone, different assignments) I don’t always display grace. When my actions unintentionally crush their little feelings, we address it! Additionally, I tell them when mommy has made a mistake in parenting, what leads to that mistake, and how we can work together to establish preventative methods. I grant them the freedom to respectfully express their thoughts and emotions. They’re very young and do not understand everything, but I’m attempting to build habits and routines now for more extreme cases in the future.
As we regularly exercise this in our home, we witness and encourage our kids to model these approaches with each other, and others they encounter. This method, in my opinion, creates less space for nurturing grudges and anger. Parenting is hard and the weight of responsibility makes me doubt myself at times. Establish these principles in your home and the changes you’ll see in your family. God always grants me grace, forgiveness, and unconditional love, and I then make a conscious effort to grant those exact same things to my family daily.
